I was born in the 80's in Sweden, and I'm a costume designer. Also, some may or may not, call me goth. Nerd and Proud.

 

Today has probably been the shitiest day I have had in many months..

One part of it all is that my dad has treated me like I were less worth than the dirt under his shoes. Everytime I opened my mouth to say something he acted like he missheard me, EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME. As if I could not speak proper.
And that’s just one of all the things he did, so I didn’t speak all day after that, and it’s not often he make me want to cry, but I have been fighting to hold back the tears.

During the last couple of weeks whenever I write something on facebook and one person in particular have been writing smug remarks. So what have I done everytime he did that? I deleted my post, because apparently I only deserve ridicule, so I should not speak.
And this makes it even harder for me to fight the voices telling me that I should not speak to my friends, now they want to keep me from speaking to anyone or even leaving my house.

I can’t sleep and I can’t eat. I feel so restless all the time. I have this pain in my cheast, like my heart is trying to rip its way out. It’s heavy to breath and almost painful. My stomach hurts like it’s bleeding and I feel like I’m going to throw up.
The voices are growing louder, drowning my own thoughts in their screams.

The longing is the only thing I feel, because I don’t want to call the emptiness a feeling.
It almost feels like it’s time, time to go, to leave it all behind. I can’t handle it anymore.
When people say it gets better it almost angers me, why does it get better for everyone else? Why does the darkness just keep dragging me down. I want to scream, but I fear the echo will linger..

So I’m trying to drown the demons in cheap vodka.

I’m really sorry for not answering messages and being to inactive here. But I don’t leave my bed most days and when I do I don’t want to speak to other humans.I don’t do much, just working out, watching X-Files and hating myself.Going to start working again two days from now, I’m really not looking forward to that, since I still I’m very very depressed.It feel really weird, the feeling I have had of not belonging in the world is almost completely overshadowed by a strong hate for myself and especially my body.I’m starting to get really tired of feeling this down.

I’m really sorry for not answering messages and being to inactive here. But I don’t leave my bed most days and when I do I don’t want to speak to other humans.
I don’t do much, just working out, watching X-Files and hating myself.
Going to start working again two days from now, I’m really not looking forward to that, since I still I’m very very depressed.
It feel really weird, the feeling I have had of not belonging in the world is almost completely overshadowed by a strong hate for myself and especially my body.
I’m starting to get really tired of feeling this down.

vandyt-xain replied to your post: Now I have done my duty as a human and…

I’m going to do my voting on the actual election day, the 14th, but I am definately going to do it!

I hope you vote with your heart. ^^

aplecraf replied to your post: Now I have done my duty as a human and…

Hi, as a foreigner but european civilian, I’m curious : how many partys is there? And which one do you think will win?

There are about 9 big parties and probably well over 100 smaller ones.(But not all parties runs for all types of elections.)
I think the Swedish Social Democratic Party will win. :)

Now I have done my duty as a human and voted in the Swedish election.

To all my Swedish friends and followers, VOTE!
Vote for all the people who don’t have the right to vote, vote to keep racism and the nazis out of our government!

Just in case, in case I can’t go on living.Today was an almost okay day, but after being up for five hours it just turned into shit.

Just in case, in case I can’t go on living.

Today was an almost okay day, but after being up for five hours it just turned into shit.

Anonymous asked
You are beautiful. I hope you had a wonderful weekend.

Thank you so much sweet anon. <3
Yes I did, thank you for asking. ^^